You are directly responsible! You are responsible for everything that happens in your life. For everything you are happy with and everything you are not happy with. You simply must accept the fact, that everything that is around you right now is the direct effect of who you are, of who you were to that very moment when you made your choices.
“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds.” - Bob Marley Redemtion Song
Until you can grasp this concept, you will live your life as a VICTIM. You will be someone who will always BLAME and point the finger at someone else for your circumstances as to why you are the way you are, the way you look, the way you act, your addictive personality, why someone left you, why someone doesn't want to be friends with you, why noone understands you, why this, why that, etc.!
To these type of people, peace of mind and peace of life depends on someone else or something outside of themselves. They always blame the weather, the money, the location, the people, the rules, the size, you name it- they will blame it! The tragedy is that many people never understand that peace comes to them only when they create it. That's the power we all have, to make choices our of our own free will and to take responsibility for them. Especially if you are an adult... Many children understand this concept well and live a strong confident life because they learn to take responsibility for their actions.
The Cause and Effect of people not taking responsibility for their actions is usually followed by intense negative and traumatic events. Why? Well, keep in mind that if people blame others for their actions, it is possible that they may want to retaliate in a negative manner against anyone they can pin the blame on. Without a doubt, the tendency to make other people's live's miserable is inevitable because they feel justified in needing to teach that person a lesson at any cost.
WARNING! WARNING! This can be very dangerous! Why? Well, it can have irreversible effects on their life and the life of those who are in the line of that mis-guided misery and blame. It may be too late for them to self reflect that they should have taken full responsibility for the situation. In other words, the person being harassed by the person doing the constant blaming and berating will be forced to eventually take measures to make it stop. These measures may be subtle or terminal depending on the situation and circumstances of the harassment.
On the News, we are constantly hearing about the boyfriend or girlfriend who shot and killed their partner or husband because they blamed them for their misery. We hear about the shooters who blamed society for their problems and they inevitably cracked and went on a shooting spree. That is why we want to raise awareness about this cause and effect phenomena.
The mind-set of the irresponsible person is that there is someone out there who is responsible. Who might that be? Look at this very statement and combine it with the quote above. Then you realize that you give power away to an illusion, an imaginary someone that in reality must be yourself. There is nobody else to blame; not the politicians, not the boss in the office or the “people on top”. There really is only you who is responsible for your life. If you claim this, then you move to a powerful position.
Have you ever had a compelling reason to watch your back or to have others help you watch your back and the backs of those you love? This is by far not an attempt to instill fear in any of you that read this, but merely to raise awareness!
Unfortunately, it is a stark reality that if you walk on the face of this earth, you walk alongside people that want to deliberately cause you and your loved one's harm. We believe that it is our responsibility to be pro-active and write about it in order to be the agents of violence prevention. We want to be part of the solution and not only stand on the sidelines doing nothing about this volatile issue.
Some people that cause harm, may not have wanted to start out that way, but due to biological, social, or emotional factors dip into the darkside and feel that they are justified in causing harm to others usually out of vengeance.
This is why we need to act now! This is why we need to assist our schools and community to look out for the evident and not so evident signs in these type of people.
Mental health must be placed at the table of how we support and deal with those want to cause harm. It is our duty as counselors to advocate for them as well. The very reason we got into this profession was to use our skills to help identify those who need additional assistance and to help provide the resources before they crack and cause devastation in people's lives. We are all for being pro-active and to standing up for bringing more school counselors back to the schools.
But for now, like many who worry about the safety and well being of their homes and loved ones, you have got to be vigilant about being too careful with who and what type of situation your dealing with. Take note of the type of person or people that you come in contact with. If you feel it in your gut that a person is dealing with some type of mental dis-order, bring it to someone's attention immediately. Because, just when you think that all is going to be well, it is usually often a pre-cursor to more threats and or eminent assault. It is sometimes better that these people are identified and or placed in protective custody where they can get the proper help that they need to live in a peaceful society. We believe that rehabilitation can help.
This is why many proponents and advocates for gun control make a solid argument as to why they should have the right to carrry a fire-arm. In a world where you can attempt to create a life of peace and structure for yourself and your family, you may come accross a certain situation that may need additional attention, such as: a hateful co-worker, a vindictive family member, an addicted mentally sick person, and an overly friendly neighbor. You just never know what is going to happen! And for this reason, no-one can afford to let their guard down completely..
Can a fire-arm prevent someone from harming you or a loved one? We believe that it can, but of course, we believe that there are other actions you can take before you make the choice of using a deadly fire-arm. We advice it to be the last option if possible. For example, you can attempt to reason with them politely, you can consult a friend about the possibilities of the danger they pose, and or you can seek legal or professional counsel to deal with the situation as well. This is what we highly urge you to do first. We know that you may want to quickly share your concern with family members, but first try and resolve it on your own because we all know that there are family members that will react irrationally and want to take care of the problem in a not so peaceful manner. Be cognizant of this, and live with the confidence that you can overcome your situation, as dire as it may seem. The support that you need will be there if you handle things appropriately.
But if the situation persists and you feel that your safety is at stake, then you must make that personal decision to WATCH YOUR BACK and the BACKS OF THOSE YOU LOVE by any means possible!
According to the statistics below from the US Department of Justice, there are way too many children that go missing or found dead in this country. As a parent, you can never be too careful or careless of our treasures. Love your child enough to do whatever it takes to keep them safe- Be very AWARE...
The U.S. Department of Justice reports
I strongly believe that the values established within a family unit are vital to the preservation and success of the family structure.
What are values? Values are the ideal thoughts, usually intangible or unseen that govern one's strongest believes such as; trust, love, respect, caring, forgiveness, empathy, financial stability, power, honor, health, etc.
Many families do take pride in what they believe in and instill those values to their children and bring forth another generation of loving, caring, confident, empathic, etc. individuals into this world. These parents take the time and invest the time in their children because they thoroughly understand and believe that they play the most important role in defining the mental makeup of their children. They accept full responsibility for their own flaws, look inward and modify their lives in a productive way in order to meet the emotional, spiritual, and physical needs of their children. They understand that their children have a soul, a bright light that shines inside of them and that they cannot allow that light to be blown out be anyone. They work to nurture that soul and walk with their children at every stage of their challenging lives.
On the other hand, the perception and vocalization of these values is not enough to maintain harmony within a family. They must be modeled appropriately for the children in order for them to believe that we mean what we say. In other words, "we must walk the talk"! For example, If we claim to be loving, we have to demonstrate it to them by lending an ear, being patient, giving a hug, saying that your proud of them, attending school functions, and spending quality time to name a few examples. The feeling of love translates to, "I am important to my mom, dad, grandma, tia, or anyone who is seen as a parental figure." These feelings are irreplaceable and go a very long way in giving a child a great sense of self.
I believe that many people perceive that they are being loving by buying their children's love and attention by getting them the latest gadgets, trendy clothes, cars, toys, nannies, high definition tv's or computers! On the contrary, kids will pick up that they are being traded for gizmos or other people for time they need and deserve from their parents. They quickly learn and feel that they are second best or even third of fourth depending on their parent's life style. The stronger the disconnection grows, the stronger the resentment, and soon anger slowly creeps in making them more vulnerable to taking dangerous risks.
Kids have a way of letting us know that they are being neglected and not getting solid values instilled in them. They find creative, secretive, and destructive ways to let us know that they are need of help! Can you share some ways they let us know? I can name a few because I have worked with many kids that have admitted that what they really needed was for their parents to be present and attentive! The majority of them stated almost every time, that they wish their parents were strict and gave them a sense of structure because they felt that they were out of control and had no one to hold them accountable until it was too late.
Some ways that they show us that they are calling out for help are: self medicating by using drugs, bullying, low grades, apathy, disrespect for authority, loud vulgar music, joining gangs, over eating, excessive dating, extreme withdrawal, annorexia, and violence toward self and others.
The irony is that parents see these things happening right in front of them, but they don't really want to see it! Or they see it, and justify it as their child is just going through a phase, or they blame it on their friends, society, etc. The other interesting thing is that many parents of these children can be seen as being great parents by others who don't see what's really going on behind closed doors. The only way to take a valid measure of how effective a parent really is, is by interviewing their children and allowing them to express themselves freely without fear of negative repercussions. The truth about this is that a student can rarely express this unless you have a professional intervening depending on their age. They either lack trust or they feel that they will be wasting their time because they are convinced that their parents will neve change.
Many parents also think that the way they were raised by their own parents is adequate or enough and they use the same methods with their own children. The reality is that we are all unique human beings with unique minds and the only way to support that uniqueness is to be present and to take interest in what are children are leaning toward! As parents we need to explore and discover what is best for our children with our children. If we profess to know what's best for them, how do we go about showing them? Do we just give lip service or do we show them that the best about them is what we as parents place in them by way of values. These are the thoughts that our children understand are important to us and to those around us.
In conclusion, if we have taken on the huge responsibility of becoming a parent, we should work toward finding out more about what that means. We should ask what our values are with regard to sustaining and being responsible for our family members and then assess if we are walking what we are talking. Don't we hold our teachers, doctors, priests accountable to high standards when it comes to their values? Of course we do, because they are influencing the most precious treasures we entrust them with, our children! Even more importantly, we should hold ourselves to high standards of accountability for the values we are teaching or not teaching our childre. We are their most important influence in their lives and we have been given such a privilege-not a burden to help them thrive, embrace, and discover a world of possibilities.
With that said "Put a little MaxPower into your life!"
What is Harmony? Can we expect to remain in harmony forever or do we get bumpped off the path away from it every now and then when challenges of life arise. With 100 percent certainty, even when we think that we have worked hard to achieve a certain state of positive mental flow and you feel like you are in the vortex of clarity, there will definitely be times when life will challenge the mental work you have accomplished. Not to worry though because you won't fall too far from the path of positive mental flow because once you establish a habitual pattern, "paradigm", your mind will work to get you back in harmony within that positive realm of existence.
So the same is absolutely true for anyone who is usually in a negative mental flow or finds themselves repeating negative patterns and behaviors. Once you start working on substituting positive behaviors for those negative ones that are so familiar and safe, your mind will work relentlessly to get you back to where it thinks it should belong. Harmony is the set of patterns that keep you in a constant flow of behavior or actions. It wants to keep the song the same, the rythm of the dance the same.
Like in music, harmony is that steady flow of sound that keeps a song sounding like it should. The laws of the the universe as they apply to us humans, also work to keep us singing, marching, working, parenting, loving, caring, hating, discriminating, etc. until we consciously decide to intentionally and with clear decisiveness substitute the behavior for a more positive one. Once the suconscious mind accepts that as a new harmony to react to, it will kick up its energy boosters and keep you in your harmonic dance or trance of life. You will be challenged and tugged. You will have to stay the course.
The beauty of understanding all of this, is that you are the one in control of what rhythm of life you want to be in. It will take a ton of work, but the results will be phenomenal if you choose to change the dance. If you choose properity, the universe will select that song and dance for you. If you choose a poverty mindset, then the universe must listen and put you in harmony with it. How can anyone want to choose a poverty mindset, you may ask yourself? Well, there are many who read all the books on goal setting and prosperity consciousness, but never take any action to accomplish what they need to in order to place themselves in that harmonious dance hall where abundance awaits them.
This is why anyone who commits to wanting to change a behavior, at least one that is harmful to you, feels the personal power of freedom they give themselves when they follow through with changing the dance. The new behaviors have to be substituted for at least 30 days. This works great for addictions!
1. Clarity-of what you want and stick to it- meditate on it- follow your passion
2. Courage- to follow through with setting your short term and long term goals
3. Competition- don't compete, there is enough for everyone
4. Contribution- live from purpose and service to others
5. Compassion- love yourself and others
With that said, "Put a little MaxPower into your life!"