We thought we would share articles that might help with your children getting back into the swing of things. Today, we will focus on a middle school student who struggles with recognizing the importance of following through with her school responsibilities. We know that there are many different scenarios based on different issues- so we decided to give you an article of a general way to handle these type of situations. We believe in maintaining the integrity of the human being while setting important parameters for growth, decelopment and empowerment!
Middle Schooler “Hates School”
—Mom at the End of Her Rope
Dear Mom at the End of Her Rope: The first thing you need to let go of is trying to get your daughter to “like” school. That’s in her court. (Here’s where you “step out.”—it’s not your responsibility to make her like it.) But you can hold her accountable to “doschool” whether she likes it or not. (“Stay in” by holding her accountable.) By calming down about her negative behaviors—along with having clear, well thought-out consequences—it will help her to be responsible and accountable. Your calm guidance will prevent her from being a recipient of your anxiety. (This is how you “step back.”) Always keep in mind that this is her life—and in the end she’s the one who has to live with the consequences of her choices.
Suggestion: You might choose to take away her electronics if she is using them in place of getting her work done. “Doing school” means putting a reasonable amount of effort in to her studies. That means going to her teachers for extra help, turning in assignments on time, bringing home necessary books, studying for tests, and being respectful in class. When this effort is made, then she is free to go to social events or whatever else she would like—but not until.
For the trouble with the morning routine, remember that generally she needs to sweat more than you in the mornings. She has to live with the consequence of being late to school if she decides to drag her feet – you should not suffer the consequence by being late to work!
What this means: If she is not at the car by the time you expect, she either has to walk, get a ride from a friend’s parent, take a taxi (if available) or finish getting dressed in the car. None of this should become a battle—remember, “you don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to,” as James Lehman says. Stay calm and avoid getting sucked into the power struggle.
Finally, work on developing a relationship with your daughter in which you discuss and plan together how to make the mornings work better while being clear and calm about your bottom line.
Always work to capture her heart so that she will want to come and talk to you out of love and respect!
With tha said, "Put a little MaxPower into your life!"
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