What usually happens to a daughter's/son's self esteem when a father isn't present in their lives? Yes, we know that there are other negative implications for those who grow up with over-strict, overbearing, and critical fathers, but we will be discussing the consequences of a father who is completely gone or inaccessible by choice. A father who voluntarily chooses to leave and not keep in touch with his children.
Fortunately, Oprah devoted a whole couple of shows to this topic on OWN. It was said that for a daughter, a father takes her self worth with him and that is why they end up looking for love in all the wrong places. For sons, fathers take away their self esteem making them have difficulties in making decisions and feeling confident. Do you agree with these assessments? We definitely do. We have worked with numerous students who's single mom had referred them to us due to their children acting up as teens. After building rapport with the child, we usually touched on the topic of parents. They usually admitted that they felt bad about giving their mom a tough time, but because they were hurting about their dad not being there, they usually blamed their moms for their dads not being around. After a bit of re-framing, re-defining, home-visits, parent conference meetings and whole bunch of tears, the teens would usually reflect and understand that mom was never going to leave them and that it wasn't anyone's fault for their father leaving, but his choice. These are intensely emotionally charged issues students try to cope with on top of trying to maintain grades, friendships, and family life.
It is no mystery that fathers represent stability, structure, and safety when he's present and available. It is no mystery that a father has a huge role in a child's life! It is no mystery that any parent plays a major role in the proper development and guidance of a child.
Yes, anyone with a great fatherly intention can definitely step in, but there is always the reality of what is truly missing. No one can ever replace that void- there can be acceptance and forgiveness, but the fact remains that a biological and psychological void remains.
The great news is that many fatherless people go on and become great parents themselves! They love unconditionally and do a great job raising and guiding their children.
With that said "Put a little MaxPower into your life!"